Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-03-14 04:13:08
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Lysa TerKeurst
- ISBN：0718039874
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
*#1 New York Times Bestseller*
You deserve to stop suffering because of what other people have done to you。
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain， playing offenses over and over in your mind？ You know you can't go on like this， but you don't know what to do next。 Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey。 But in surprising ways， she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right。
With deep empathy， therapeutic insight， and rich Bible teaching coming out of more than 1，000 hours of theological study， Lysa will help you:
Learn how to move on when the other person refuses to change and never says they're sorry。
Walk through a step-by-step process to free yourself from the hurt of your past and feel less offended today。
Discover what the Bible really says about forgiveness and the peace that comes from living it out right now。
Identify what's stealing trust and vulnerability from your relationships so you can believe there is still good ahead。
Disempower the triggers hijacking your emotions by embracing the two necessary parts of forgiveness。
You deserve to stop suffering because of what other people have done to you。
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain， playing offenses over and over in your mind？ You know you can't go on like this， but you don't know what to do next。 Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey。 But in surprising ways， she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right。
With deep empathy， therapeutic insight， and rich Bible teaching coming out of more than 1，000 hours of theological study， Lysa will help you:
Learn how to move on when the other person refuses to change and never says they're sorry。
Walk through a step-by-step process to free yourself from the hurt of your past and feel less offended today。
Discover what the Bible really says about forgiveness and the peace that comes from living it out right now。
Identify what's stealing trust and vulnerability from your relationships so you can believe there is still good ahead。
Disempower the triggers hijacking your emotions by embracing the two necessary parts of forgiveness。
Reviews
Chandra Boulden
，
Love this book， she very slowly and gracefully explains what forgiveness is and how we all need to both give it and need it。 We have all been hurt and then hurt others。 When we become aware of our actions and how they hurt others to stop the cycle that is progress。 We need to give it and not just receive it。
Megan Caillouet
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3。5/4 stars。 Lysa’s books are always pretty heavy， but contain an incredible amount of insight。 I truly learned a lot while reading this book。
Ashley Bower
，
Holding onto unforgivness， bitterness， anger， and hurt。 It's like sitting in a pile of rubble， holding onto broken bricks and glass and thinking it will protect you from future hurts。 I personally know what is like to have deep pain and hurts from my past and not know how to let go。 The weirdest things will trigger memories of hurt and pain and trauma from my past。 I don't know how to stop it or not be like this。 All I know is that I want to forgive， I just don't know how。 I blazed through this Holding onto unforgivness， bitterness， anger， and hurt。 It's like sitting in a pile of rubble， holding onto broken bricks and glass and thinking it will protect you from future hurts。 I personally know what is like to have deep pain and hurts from my past and not know how to let go。 The weirdest things will trigger memories of hurt and pain and trauma from my past。 I don't know how to stop it or not be like this。 All I know is that I want to forgive， I just don't know how。 I blazed through this book and devoured every word of it。 I think I'm going to have to go back and reread it many times， but it's a wonderful start。 It's nice to know I'm not alone in the fact that I want to forgive people but my brain and heart just doesn't know how to let go of all the pain。 Hopefully one day with the Hand of God upon my heart， and guidance from the Bible and books like this I can be healed and whole。 Just one more book that is a lifetime treasure written by Lysa Tyrkerst。 。。。more
Sandy
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A wonderful formula in reaching forgiveness。 Healing process without dismissing the struggles。
Gabby Puglisi
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A life altering book。 Every person needs this book on their shelf or in their hands。 It challenged me， convicted me， and let me to the scriptures， to see for myself just how Jesus commands us to forgive。 What a hard concept for us to grasp， especially if we’ve been deeply deeply wounded - but oh what freedom we can find in Him by releasing our unforgiveness we were never intended to carry。 Extremely thankful for the realness of Lysa’s writting by letting us into her own very personal story of wa A life altering book。 Every person needs this book on their shelf or in their hands。 It challenged me， convicted me， and let me to the scriptures， to see for myself just how Jesus commands us to forgive。 What a hard concept for us to grasp， especially if we’ve been deeply deeply wounded - but oh what freedom we can find in Him by releasing our unforgiveness we were never intended to carry。 Extremely thankful for the realness of Lysa’s writting by letting us into her own very personal story of walking through forgiveness。 I felt like every page was written for me， and I know you will too！ 。。。more
Catia
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This book is soooo good！！！ I’m loving every page and I’m not even finished yet！！！
Candi
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Really good stuff and helpful for processing hurts。 I would encourage anyone wanting to read to really take the time to work through what Lysa suggests。 There is also The Forgiveness Journal that is a great resource to use with the book。
Lauren
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Very helpful and so true！ The aftermath of the initial hurt is the hardest part， you never know how it will continue to affect you for the rest of your life in ways you never know and times you least expect it to。
Megan JT
，
Although I haven’t been through extreme loss or tragedy as discussed in this book I was able to glean a lot of insight to forgiveness。 Specifically， how God calls us to do so despite our human feelings。 Great read！
Gailie Ruth
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4。5 stars rounded up to 5！ I fully went into this book expecting some “pat answers” on forgiveness （pray harder， read your Bible more， and that’ll fix it！）， or maybe even toxic theology on forgiveness that requires humans to fully reconcile and forget offenses with a hug （we aren’t an invulnerable God who can easily wipe the slate clean without potentially laying an easy path for an abusive person who will continue to harm us）。 No; this is a book about backing away， trusting God to handle the of 4。5 stars rounded up to 5！ I fully went into this book expecting some “pat answers” on forgiveness （pray harder， read your Bible more， and that’ll fix it！）， or maybe even toxic theology on forgiveness that requires humans to fully reconcile and forget offenses with a hug （we aren’t an invulnerable God who can easily wipe the slate clean without potentially laying an easy path for an abusive person who will continue to harm us）。 No; this is a book about backing away， trusting God to handle the offender， and taking our *need to exact justice* off our own angry mind/heart—all while firmly setting healthy boundaries against further hurt from that person when reconciliation looks impossible due to lack of remorse， or worse， toxicity in that individual that promises ongoing abuse。Terkeurst herself saw forgiveness of her wayward husband as the only path to her own mental and spiritual freedom。 But she didn’t *expect* or work hard towards reconciliation。 That was something that came much later， and only because her husband showed a real change of heart。 This was not a yucky story in which a false hermeneutic about forgiveness or marriage（which I had feared） *forced* a marriage to reconcile。 Whew。 I was also glad that Terkeurst was honest about the damage that his infidelity did to her， labeling it a real trauma （one that impacted her physical health）。 She didn’t gloss over it or hyperspiritualize。 Which was great， because as a pastor’s wife looking for good materials to share with struggling friends， I didn’t have patience for that nonsense。 This book is instead helpful and is pro-mental health （meaning Terkeurst herself talks about getting real therapy） rather than suggesting only Bible-based counsel， which I appreciate。 Yes， the Good Book has some wisdom， but it does not have a rigorous therapeutic for treating trauma。 The balance is important， as mental health directly impacts spiritual health！ 。。。more
Kelly
，
I have walked away from this reading feeling so much more peace than I thought possible。 I will be digging back into it to go deeper。 I can tell that Forgiving What You Can't Forget is going to be an important tool in my library。 I have walked away from this reading feeling so much more peace than I thought possible。 I will be digging back into it to go deeper。 I can tell that Forgiving What You Can't Forget is going to be an important tool in my library。 。。。more
Kristina
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It will be a resource I will use over and over。 It is tabbed up。 What an honest and vulnerable writer。 This book is a resource because forgiveness is a process and a journey。 Ultimately you can live a life of forgiveness。 Lysa lays out a plan。 It is far from easy， its hard and holy work。 I want to be a healed person not an unhealed person。
Mallory McCubbins
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I seriously could not recommend a book more。 Wow。 My heart and soul are refreshed- so much healing was experienced through reading this book。 I think everyone should read this。 Such a beautiful story of what true forgiveness means。 My life is changed for the better after this book！ “Unforgiveness has never healed anyone。 Unforgiveness has never made someone’s pain better。 Unforgiveness has never repaired a broken heart。 But the God who both gives and requires forgiveness？ He has done all of thos I seriously could not recommend a book more。 Wow。 My heart and soul are refreshed- so much healing was experienced through reading this book。 I think everyone should read this。 Such a beautiful story of what true forgiveness means。 My life is changed for the better after this book！ “Unforgiveness has never healed anyone。 Unforgiveness has never made someone’s pain better。 Unforgiveness has never repaired a broken heart。 But the God who both gives and requires forgiveness？ He has done all of those things。 He is our healer。” 。。。more
Loren Sanders
，
While I used most of the tactics in the book already， I find it would be helpful for some who have really struggled with forgiveness。
Pam
，
This book is extremely helpful and very deep。 I actually highlighted a lot of helpful words and paragraphs。 I read this book very slow， to process it and really soak it in。 I did finish it but I plan to keep using it as a resource of encouragement。 Thank you Lysa Terkeurst for writing this。 I will pray for you as well！
Dotty
，
Lysa does a great job showing us the importance of forgiving other and moving on even it it means we revisit the hurt later。
Shwetha
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I’m not a Christian so this book doesn’t make sense to me。 I was really looking forward to reading it。 Nowhere on the cover is it mentioned that this is a Christian book
Samantha
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I was at target one day during a hard season in my life a few months ago。 I love books but I always have so many that I buy & never get to read。 My sister saw this book and she jokingly said “this is what you need”。 I looked at her and glanced through the book and said “yep， I do” and bought it。 It took me about two months to read because I could only read one chapter a day & sometimes I would only read one chapter a week depending on how I felt。 Through in through， I could tell that the words w I was at target one day during a hard season in my life a few months ago。 I love books but I always have so many that I buy & never get to read。 My sister saw this book and she jokingly said “this is what you need”。 I looked at her and glanced through the book and said “yep， I do” and bought it。 It took me about two months to read because I could only read one chapter a day & sometimes I would only read one chapter a week depending on how I felt。 Through in through， I could tell that the words were starting to resonate with me as I kept on in daily life。 I was starting to forgive before I even could acknowledge that’s what was happening。 I was sooo angry and slowly as I was making my way through the book and acting it out in real life I was becoming less angry。 By the time I got to the last chapter I was in awe on the progress I made。 I decided to gift my mom this book in of hopes she will become healed too。 I was very skeptical this book would change anything。 But it did。 And I will recommend it over and over to those who need it。 I will also keep this to read and reread for myself to always keep forgiveness in my heart。 Thank you Lysa for inviting me to the gray table。 。。。more
Denise Burrow
，
What an incredible journey I went on with this book。 I was deep in the wilderness with in since about the middle of December。 I learned that I really didn't have a proper understanding of forgiveness。 Do the extra work she suggests， it will make all the difference in the end。 I'm so thankful I did。 I have a sense of peace now having finished it What an incredible journey I went on with this book。 I was deep in the wilderness with in since about the middle of December。 I learned that I really didn't have a proper understanding of forgiveness。 Do the extra work she suggests， it will make all the difference in the end。 I'm so thankful I did。 I have a sense of peace now having finished it 。。。more
Rita Nelson
，
I love all of Lysa’s books but she knocked it out of the park with this book on forgiveness。 To put her story out there to teach others about how to forgive was truly courageous。 This is a book by all women need to read who need to forgive past & present hurts and just for anyone who lives life。 I got a lot out of this book and the Bible study was the best ever。
Kate Harwood
，
Wow。 Wow。 Wow。 Lysa is raw， honest， relatable， kind， loving， wise， and beautiful within her writing。 To say I cried at least once every chapter is an understatement。 I sobbed。 She addressed the real， honest， dark， and scary parts about healing from hurt。 She gave biblical truth and relatable testimony about her journey and how I can walk in my journey of forgiveness。 Her writing inspired me， it touched me on deeper levels I didn't think was possible， and helped me to understand the beauty of for Wow。 Wow。 Wow。 Lysa is raw， honest， relatable， kind， loving， wise， and beautiful within her writing。 To say I cried at least once every chapter is an understatement。 I sobbed。 She addressed the real， honest， dark， and scary parts about healing from hurt。 She gave biblical truth and relatable testimony about her journey and how I can walk in my journey of forgiveness。 Her writing inspired me， it touched me on deeper levels I didn't think was possible， and helped me to understand the beauty of forgiveness。 A few of my favorite quotes in the book were:"those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness are those who dance most freely in the beauty of redemption，" （pg。 9）。 "freedom from unforgiveness doesn't mean instant healing for all the emotions involved。 but it does mean those emotions will turn into eventual compassion rather than bitterness，" （pg。 10）。"maturity isn't the absence of hard stuff。 maturity is the evidence that a person allowed the hard stuff to work for them rather than against them，" （pg。 214）。 "I wanted the Jesus in me to talk to the Jesus in her。 I wanted the Jesus in her to talk to the Jesus in me，" （pg。 212）。"confession breaks the cycle of chaos inside of me。 forgiveness breaks the cycle of chaos between us，" （pg。 212）。 "the goal of forgiveness isn't perfection， it's progress。。。the sign of progress is to let the pain work for you instead of against you，" （pg。 207）。 "if we become more self-aware of how we are processing our thoughts and perceptions and redirect those in more life-giving ways， then every loss， a more wise， empathetic， understanding， discerning， compassionate person of strength and humility has the potential to arise within us，" （pg。 84）。 "remember: this is good work to do。 （forgiving） we are seeking to stay healthy and self-aware and honest。 we are making sure not one bit of the hurt done to us is multiplied by us，" （pg。 175）。 man， I loved this book so much。 I will remember this book forever and come back to it a lot。 It doesn't beat the Bible， the true Word of God， but Lysa's compassionate writing is healing and helps me to understand how beautiful and powerful and healing forgiveness is。 10/10 highly recommended especially during an emotional journey， be prepared to unpack， go deep， and heal 。。。more
Mar
，
The book is easy to read and has some helpful tidbits for forgiving， dealing with anger and bitterness etc。， and such reminders of what we rationally know are good from time to time。 While reading the chapters， it appeared at times that TerKeurst took sessions with her own counsellor and used the advice given and her personal experience with it to write a book。 If one is really struggling， getting your own counsellor is recommended--a point she does acknowledge at the end of the book。
Stacey
，
2。5 stars。。。 I’ll be honest， this is the first book of hers I’ve managed to get through。 I’ve tried so many and I really don’t understand the appeal。 With that understanding， I went to this book determined to get through it， but boy did I struggle。 It was boring and repetitive and lacked Biblical counsel where I felt it could have really benefited from it。 I gave it 2。5 mainly because there were a few paragraphs in this book that struck me right were I was and a few helpful exercises to overcome 2。5 stars。。。 I’ll be honest， this is the first book of hers I’ve managed to get through。 I’ve tried so many and I really don’t understand the appeal。 With that understanding， I went to this book determined to get through it， but boy did I struggle。 It was boring and repetitive and lacked Biblical counsel where I felt it could have really benefited from it。 I gave it 2。5 mainly because there were a few paragraphs in this book that struck me right were I was and a few helpful exercises to overcome scenarios that are hard to forgive。 Overall though，I learned/heard nothing new or spectacular and would rather seek Godly counsel or search scriptures myself。 🤷🏻♀️ 。。。more
Cynthia Coletti
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Wordy personal-memoir/self-help
Tiffy
，
This book isn't one where I was ablentonjust crack it open and read until it was finished， no matter how excited I was to do that。 It unpacks heavy things。 I had very specific event in midlife I wanted to read it for but the way she walks you through the process， I found things in my past that I thought Inhad handled but realized I'd merely stuffed down without giving proper space to process the heaviness of their weight。 I will for sure re-read this booknafter I've given myself some time to let This book isn't one where I was ablentonjust crack it open and read until it was finished， no matter how excited I was to do that。 It unpacks heavy things。 I had very specific event in midlife I wanted to read it for but the way she walks you through the process， I found things in my past that I thought Inhad handled but realized I'd merely stuffed down without giving proper space to process the heaviness of their weight。 I will for sure re-read this booknafter I've given myself some time to let the words sink in。 There is much work that can be done from this book and auve always appreciated her vulnerability and honesty when she writes。 。。。more
Bri
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I really enjoy Lysa’s books。 Had I been going through something specifically applying to this topic right now， I am sure this would have been a 5-star rating。 Maybe this is a book to keep in my back pocket to pull out for the next time something arises。
Jeanette Howell
，
An amazing walk through the process of forgivenessIf you are a fan of Lisa Geekiest then you already appreciate what she's gone through and how she writes TO you。 I promise this book will change your life and your opinion of forgiveness。 This book has changed everything。 I'm going to forgive absolutely EVERYTHING that has held me back since childhood。 I never believed that was possible before， but now， it is and I can't wait to be free of old feelings that have held me back my entire life。 An amazing walk through the process of forgivenessIf you are a fan of Lisa Geekiest then you already appreciate what she's gone through and how she writes TO you。 I promise this book will change your life and your opinion of forgiveness。 This book has changed everything。 I'm going to forgive absolutely EVERYTHING that has held me back since childhood。 I never believed that was possible before， but now， it is and I can't wait to be free of old feelings that have held me back my entire life。 。。。more
Trudy Cordle
，
This is a great book dealing with a difficult topic。 We're to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us。 This can be such a hard thing to do！！！ This book helps by showing us that forgiveness is a process， and that we really don't do it for the other person， we do it for ourselves。 One of my favorite sentences in this book is: maybe it's not what God is working ON but how God is working IN us that matters most of all。 And， another: God's faithfulness isn't demonstrated by His activity aligning wit This is a great book dealing with a difficult topic。 We're to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us。 This can be such a hard thing to do！！！ This book helps by showing us that forgiveness is a process， and that we really don't do it for the other person， we do it for ourselves。 One of my favorite sentences in this book is: maybe it's not what God is working ON but how God is working IN us that matters most of all。 And， another: God's faithfulness isn't demonstrated by His activity aligning with your prayers。 It's your prayers aligning with His faithfulness and His will where you become more and more assured of His activity。 Forgiveness is something we need to be doing every day。 。。。more
Ali
，